You ever heard about the “girl crush” phase? As a guy you see it on television. You may even experience it or witness it while you’re in college. That phase in a girl’s life where she’s decided she wants to try out her same-sex. It could be just sexually, romantically, or even asexual dating. I always thought that it was just a rare occasion of a girl going through some phase in her life. We all go through phases in life just trying to figure out who we are and what we want. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s more common than I thought.

I remember graduating high school and I was having a late night conversation with my brother. We were discussing some subject adjacent to what I’m talking about now. I think it was along the lines of girls checking out girls. My brother was in a serious relationship with a girl for about three years. She had admitted that yes girls check out one another on a regular basis. It could be their clothes, their figure, or even their hair. She even said that she believes that every girl is bi-curious. That they’ve wondered things about another women sexually. At the time I was only 18 so I was more fascinated by the idea of girls comparing one another over just physical features instead of something of merit. It seemed so shallow. But she was probably the first to tear a seam into the idea of a girl crush.

We fast forward a few years. I’m in college now. I like this girl. We’re friends at the time and she admits to me that she’s had feelings for another woman. She was afraid of what people would think of her so they went on one date and that was it. She found her attractive physically and admired her greatly. But she knew she had never had a relationship with a girl before and didn’t really know what she was doing. It festered and she gave up. She wasn’t sure how much of it was genuine and how much of it was fantasy. I remember telling her to chase something she wanted and to not care about what others think. The people who really matter will be their to support her no matter what she decides. It’s not like she has killed someone. Strangely enough we ended up dating. But the idea of a girl crush was now ripped open and out there for me to ponder.

We’re all influenced by television, media, books, and peers. It has definitely become more widely accepted in the last ten years of same-sex couples and marriage. But it seems to become a common theme in stories that if a woman is going to cheat on her husband or boyfriend it’s just as likely that she’ll cheat on him with another woman as it is another man. Maybe it’s all bullshit. I don’t think there’s any actual science done on this subject. I think most people would be afraid to tell the truth. But I raised the question to a friend of mine and asked her if all girls go through this girl crush phase. She told me she didn’t. She also has been engaged for a long time and with the same guy it seems like forever. But she made a very good point to me. Dating is such a hassle because people don’t really know what they want. They’re vague about how they feel and unsure what they want out of a relationship. I agree with her. I also hate dating. Starting new friendships with people is hard enough these days even without including any hormones or romantic feelings. People are so afraid you won’t like them for them being themselves.

If I had to create an outline this is it… A traditional woman will date for a while. She will have multiple relationships. You can probably sprinkle in all kinds of reasons why they don’t work. Maybe they’re simply incompatible. Maybe one side of the relationship wants something more while they other doesn’t. Maybe one or both of the people are still trying to figure out who they are and they change. Whatever the reason may be the woman becomes fed up with dating men. As my friend suggested that maybe women bond over an emotional element at first. Perhaps it’s because they want to settle down and find someone to commit. If they’re having the same issues but want the same thing something could spark between the two. Attachments could form over needs. Maybe it’s just a breaking point. The delicate features of a woman. That temptation of something new could be something better. The similarities of wants and needs appear to match. Why not give it a shot after so many failed relationships with men?

I’ll agree this is probably a huge generalization what I’m about to say. But typically it seems that women crave more intimacy than men. They’re more needy. It’s usually the bottom line why a relationship end. The man truly likes or even loves the girl, but she drives him crazy at the same time. She smothers him and tries to make him this super sensitive guy who pours his heart out all the time. She gets off on the intimacy. But the guy just can’t keep up the levels she needs. So she smothers him hoping she’ll get anything out of him. When the guy just wants some space. Or maybe she just becomes a burden. He becomes the entire support system and he just can’t deal with it because he’s not used to it. It’s never one thing that a person decides is the reason why this can no longer work. It’s a combination of things. It’s like tossing in all kinds of ingredients to make that breakup stew.

I think this is where the girl crush forms. Both women want their needs to be met. And those needs are high. They want to be touched more. They want more attention. They want to be complimented more on common things that women enjoy. That their hair smells nice or their pretty new purse. I’m not real sure. I’m a guy. But it’s even the common pains that they deal with that same-sex couples can relate to and complain about such as the pains of finding a bra that fits. These types of things may draw women close enough that they want to cross the lines of friendship and jump into some form of relationship. It’s so hard to find someone we both have a connection with, have an attraction to, and are similarly compatible.

In retrospect my friend mentioned bromances. She generally believing that it’s the same thing. I disagree. I believe that while all human beings are complex, men are typically easier going with their day-to-day. When I look at bromances I look at a close friendship between two guys. They hang out a lot and know each other very well. But there isn’t any physical attraction between the two. These girls we’re discussing have a form of attraction. Bromances don’t and nobody ever even thinks that. They just think they’re such good friends they’re comfortable enough around each other to not fake the facade of what a man should be and just asks like themselves.

It’s actually an interesting theory. While both males and females get burnt in relationships and are fed up with the issues of the opposite sex they both handle it completely different. A woman doubles down her chances. She’ll try something new. Maybe it’s a woman or maybe it’s just a different type of guy she’s never dated before. A guy is more likely to withdrawal entirely. He will embrace the bro culture. That he will get his needs met by having closer relationships with his friends and probably internet porn. It’s a simple formula with limited push back. Yes he will get the grief of not dating. He will get the pressure from his mother that he needs to find a nice girl. More than likely he can tune that out though. A woman gets the same pressures about settling down and starting a family. I can only assume she probably feels that pressure more than a man. For whatever reason we believe that a person’s life hasn’t really started until they’re married and about to have a family. I think that’s bullshit on both ends. The biggest issue we all have with dating and relationships is the fact that we don’t know who we are, or we don’t know what we want in another person.

Either way I believe that girl crushes are real. I do believe it’s a phase that we are seeing more and more in today’s world as it’s more accepted now. I personally believe I might be watching one in the making. The biggest puzzle piece left to me is why is it only a phase? What makes them revert back to men?

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