I was talking to a friend yesterday on the phone. I could tell her spirits were low and she needed to talk to someone without an outsiders perspective. That outsider of course was me. While I am familiar with her world, as it once used to be mine, I can now say I feel far from it. One of the topics we discussed was money, and how we had very little of it. Her husband was born in another country before they were married here in the United States. They have to save up to renew his green card status due at the end of February. We both had discussed how we like the jobs that we have, but it always feels like the money is spoken for as soon as we receive our paychecks. We are both college graduates and can’t understand how as simple as we live our money is still gone as fast as a bolt of lightning.

I have rent that is due as well as a storage unit cost at the end of each month. That short period between paying those expenses and my next paycheck always leaves me scrambling to get by for a week or two. It’s the only time I really even use my credit card when I know I’m really low on cash and know I need to use it for food or gas. I’ve always prided myself on leaving cheap and not having more than I need. I can keep myself happy with books and movies. I don’t have to go out and see people or places to enjoy myself. One of my favorite quotes from Lord Byron is “I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone.” I actually quite find this true about myself. I’m not afraid to test my limits or go out of my comfort zone. I’ve actually done it quite a lot in my lifetime. I just realize the more and more I go out that the common people I come across annoys me or lets me down. Why go out if you’re just constantly being disappointed by poor social skills and lack of meaningful conversation?

But regardless of annoyance towards going out in public, I don’t think I could afford it even if I wanted to. That left me thinking about different ways to earn some extra cash. I could get set up donating plasma again. They want you to come in twice a week and usually pay higher the second time. Although because of my work schedule I’d likely only be able to go in once a week. With my deep veins donating plasma only lasts for a month or two at best before they mess up one me and I’m deferred for six months. I happened to be thinking about this when my phone dinged and I had an email about different writing opportunities to get paid. While I know it’s extremely hard to get something accepted it could be worth a shot. I mean it would be on my own schedule. Even if it doesn’t get accepted I can always just post it online for the rest of the vultures to devour. No offense. It’s just enabled content for money. It’s not really original thoughts from my brain. But would you blame me? We all have to do what we can to get by. I’m just using a tool in my toolbox. Isn’t that what we all do? We whore ourselves out a little bit in the most respectable way as possible.

I will say that reading through some of these places that pay for articles, words, or poems that the writers they’re trying to reach is kind of offensive. I mean I get that each magazine has its own styles and themes. It has its own market audience. But are there really going to turn down a good story because I’m not a college senior? Not that I really would care enough to write a feminist article, but what if I did and had a really good thought-provoking article? Are they going to background check me and find out I have a penis and not accept it? I mean some of this stuff is just suppressing. I don’t care where a story or idea comes from as long as it’s thought-provoking and well said. Even the ones I think I can do I automatically think about things I wrote long ago instead of something new I can write. I guess I was hoping for more enabling in the process instead of bitterness. Either way I’ll continue to see if I can find another way to support the starving artist inside me.