Lately I’ve been feeling like life is a whole lot of tests. It tests all sorts of things. It tests your patience. It tests your strength. It even tests how much you really care or how much empathy is the right amount.

We all believe that our life is a journey. We don’t always know the reason or the destiny behind it, but we know we make choices and go along for the ride. Whether you believe your life is chosen by a higher power or in your own control it doesn’t really matter. We all come down to make certain choices. Selfishly I think we all believe we have a little God complex in ourselves. We think we know more than the person next to us. We think we can see things about others that they themselves can’t. Sometimes people are their own biggest critics. Sometimes people just allow themselves to get away with everything and expect others will oblige for them. I guess finding the medium is where we should strive for.

I have this problem in my life that I’m not surrounded by people who are going through the same things that I’m going through. I have younger people who have their ideas of who I am and what I should be doing because they think they know how it is. I have older people in my life who do the same thing based on their past experiences. But the truth is neither of them really help. Not even the littlest. They just come across as arrogant and self-absorbed like they know exactly how the world works. The reality is that nobody does. A large majority of things in the world are simply out of our control. If we obsess over them too much we just become depressed. I believe that it’s okay to let go of certain things and just let them be. I have no plans of a career in politics. I accept that it’s out of my control and I will never fully understand what is going on in it. When I drop that weight from my shoulders I feel better. I accept certain truths whether they are truths or not. Generally I’ve accepted the truth that I am prone to being taken advantage of. I am this way because it’s really easy for me to care. I try my hardest to hide it though to protect myself. I also accept that throughout my life I rarely trust people with things that truly matter to me anymore. They will always let me down. There are probably many more I could mention but I feel like that would just turn this into an even darker subject.

I actually started writing this blog because I was put into an unusual situation lately. One way or the other the general question has been brought up about what are your hobbies? What are the things you like to do? And the easy answer for me has always been sports. I like sports. I like baseball a lot. I think about the aspects outside of the game. And most people just roll their eyes because it’s kind of a generic answer. It’s like saying you like movies and film. Everyone likes movies and films just like everyone likes music. We just argue over why something is better than the other. It comes down to our core really. So if we look beyond the general things that we all seem to like what quantifies a hobby? How often do you think about it? How often do you have to do it? I like taking photographs of things. I imagine different shots in my mind even when I don’t have a camera on me. Does that mean I can say that photography is a hobby of mine? I haven’t done it for so long I probably forget how to adjust the filter on a manual camera.

I like to explore different genres of music. I like to hear music I’ve never heard before with fresh eyes and fresh ears. I’ve actually gotten to the point where if I like a song I like a song. It has nothing to do with who played it or because someone told me I should like it because it’s been on the radio a lot. Does that mean I can name 5-10 different Beatles songs? No way. Does that mean that music can’t be a hobby if you’re not a critic of something? Or if you don’t have an above average of general music information? It’s an interesting question to ask.

I like to go out and try new craft beers and new wines. I’ll admit that if you try to save a little money and do it all at once that after the first five they all just start to taste the same. At that point you’re just trying to hold onto a buzz and not find something that makes you want to throw up. But does that make it a hobby or are you just an alcoholic if you can enjoy both ways?

Hobby:  “An activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure.”

Even when I read this I have questions. What is regularly? Is that at least once a week? Once a month? What if you like something but it’s seasonal? Is that a semi-hobby? It’s no wonder I’m not popular at a party. I want to define your way of thinking before I answer anything. That way I know whether to be smart or to be clever. Either way this just raises more questions than answers. What do we really have time to do on a regular basis to qualify it as a hobby? It’s no wonder everyone has the same answers. The only thing we have time to do on a regular basis is work, watch TV/Movies, play video games, and listen to music. Some of the more creative might draw or write. The others need social activities that usual revolve around alcohol or the other previous things I’ve mentioned. Is that all that we can really come up with for hobbies? We don’t really have time, energy, or money if you’re common folk like myself.

Okay. Deep breath. I’m going to try real hard to come up with hobbies that aren’t the generic answers. Although I’ll admit they are more likely considered half-hobbies than anything. I do like to write (obviously) it’s just that I go in cycles on how often I write and what type of materials I write. The same can be said about reading as well. Sometimes I want a fictional story to laugh at or bring me to an entirely different world. Sometimes I just want to be inspired by real life people. Sometimes I just want to expand my knowledge and be more informed on subjects that interest me. The problem is I’ll go in spurts where I won’t read anything at all for months. I like to travel, try out new restaurants, beer tastings, wine tastings and other things like that. The problem of course is time and money. I have already mentioned photography but I do not believe I participate in it enough. I like to play softball. The problem is that it’s seasonal and you need to know people in order to get onto a team. I move around a lot and miss out on the opportunities. I play Pokemon Go. I guess that can go into the group of gaming though. That’s pretty generic as all games have an expiration date.

The problem is that I don’t feel like I have anything that really excite me to do anymore. It is winter after all. If it’s not something that can be done in doors you’re probably out of luck. I like to be outside. Part of the reason I still enjoy playing Pokemon Go is because it allows me to go outside and get into different areas of nature. Now that it’s rainy and cold I’m kind of out of luck. There’s only so much watching TV and finding good television shows I can watch before I get bored. I’m even getting bored with watching certain sports like football now. Am I really outgrowing hobbies I’ve had for years? It’s a weird situation to be in. I’m losing hobbies but not necessarily gaining any. Honestly sometimes it feels perfectly fine to come home and just sit in my pajamas and watch it rain outside. I can’t really quantify that as a hobby either. My real problem is that I just want to thin deeply about things or have meaningful conversations and I can’t. I either don’t have the people capable of doing it or I don’t have the interested needed to partake in it.