There comes a time when you have to just stop and think. You have to clear all the outside noise and really ask yourself a hard question. What do you want?
To me it always seems to come down to three different variables. Do you chase a career, do you chase love, or do you try your hardest to keep your family and friends together. For the longest time I didn’t really worry about any of those three. I saw everyone else struggle internally with their choices of what to do. I gave them the best advice I could at the time. But truthfully I couldn’t always relate. You see for the longest time I was chasing moments. I knew people were just like money. They come and go and you share a good time or two but it’s usually short-lived. Now if the moment or event is big enough it can last forever. Because moments turn into memories and stories. The longer they last they turn into legends. Legends can be even more fun when you stretch the truth a little bit for the younger minds.
As I’ve gotten older I feel like I’ve fallen into this similar mind-set as others. I’m no longer a young guy that can chalk everything up to having more time to do that stuff. I’ve stretched my money as far as I possibly can sometimes. I’ve pushed relationships to the point of breaking. I can’t even remember that last time I got excited about seeing a girl or going on a date. All those things I now start to question. I start to ask where am I going? I used to bounce around from job to job because I didn’t see any future. Again I thought this is only temporary until something better comes along. Strangely enough I am about to approach my two-year anniversary for the company that I am working for. While I’m not making a lot of money I feel like I’m being fast tracked. The possibilities for me are endless with this company because I am willing to travel and move. While I’m not in love with this area by any means, it does at least have my brother here.
You know how there are things to do, thoughts, actions, or even people who you kind of put on the back burner because it’s not an immediate thing you have to do? It could be remembering a friend’s birthday that is approaching. Maybe you have a project that has a deadline. We all tend to procrastinate on things that need to get done. There’s always something else that is more immediate we must get done. Sometimes the thoughts or actions just get forgotten because they aren’t immediate. Maybe they aren’t even important. I promise there is a point to this. I’m not trying to get super analytical.
My point is that a year ago I told myself I was going to rededicate myself to my writing. I had finished a book. I had a book cover designed. I had it all set up to be published as an Ebook. I just needed it edited. Then the editing never came… and I just let it sit there undone. I let it die. My dad sent me a contest to write a short story for a book. I got accepted but the book wasn’t supposed to be published until near Christmas. At the time that was over six months away. I forgot about it. A lot of things had been going on. I happened to think about it the other day and sent the editor an email. She told me it had just been published in mid October. Here we are three weeks later… I finally have my first piece of published work out in the world and I didn’t even remember. It’s funny to me but also sad. I’ve always wanted to have something published. Hell it’s on my bucket list. I’m proud of the story. It’s a good real story during a time period in my life I was really happy as a kid. But it also was a kick in the ass. In my head that’s not enough. I need a follow-up. I need something else out there. The only thing better than one is two.
If you’re new to Moonshot I’ll give you a quick refresher. I started this site because one of my greatest strengths is also one of my biggest faults. I’m brutally honest. I say the things other people are thinking but afraid to say. I’m also empathetic and an over thinker. A lot of the times I have to use my writing as a way to organize the madness that is in my mind. This got me in some trouble on my last site. My name was all over it so I had to scrap that and start over. I had to go back and protect myself. It’s one thing if you’re a billionaire and don’t have to work again in your life, but I have to survive out in the world. My mom always tells me that I need to be careful when I tell her I’m going to write. Who would have thought that my words would act as a sword. It’s funny to me. I’m getting off track again. Back to your regularly schedule message…
What do you want? Where are you going?
Perhaps I’m hitting the New Years Eve resolution button early but I’ve been thinking about this the last few days. I want to move out of this place. I need to move out. I need to get away from the controlling landlord. I also need to find a cheaper place to live. Once I find a cheaper place to live I think I’ll be able to have some extra money to actually go out and have a life. My brother is done with his management training and has gotten a raise as well. I should get my raise after March. Both of these should help. Lately I’ve been playing Pokemon Go as my extra time hobby. But I still come home, or have days off, where I have nothing to do other than play video games or watch movies. While some times you need mindless activities I hate not being productive. I think I’m going to create a schedule for writing. I always said in the past that I wouldn’t. I think I’ve changed my mind. I want to get another thing published. That is what I want. I think the rest will figure itself out as long as I stay focused on things that I want.