I was watching television the other day and I was letting my mind wander. I can’t remember if I was watching sports or if I was catching up on episodes of Mr. Robot. Either way a commercial or something happened and it sparked an idea. It was a conversation that I had in my head I thought I’d like to write about it. But not write about in a blog but write about as if in a scene. Since the last two projects I have been writing for includes a comic book character “Blue Cross” and a hopeless romantic “Ryan” I right away went to these characters and how could I use it. But while both characters are smart, neither of their personality types really fit this scene that I was thinking about in my head. So I put them both away in their own separate boxes for characters I store in my head. I started to organize which characters I had written about in the past and which one really had this voice and character that would fit for my scene. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that it was the character “Sam Thomas.” Sam is a character I created that’s an outsider who questions everything. He questions the things we take for granted and looks at everything as gray instead of black or white. But before I could really even plan out this scene in my head I had to catch myself and stop…

What did I just do? I can only assume that writers try their hardest not to repeat character types. I’ve known a few that take a lot of notes to organize their thoughts and story line. I admit that we all take a little bit of ourselves when we create our main characters or draw from people we know. But the way my brain works I couldn’t tell if I was just applying the whole “Boxes Theory” or if that was a conscious choice of Dissociative Identity Disorder that I just created. In order to understand what I’m really trying to say here’s a quick video on what the boxes theory is. I don’t know why this guy tries to turn it into a comedy show. The idea behind it is actually brilliant in my opinion. It’s a better read that to watch this guy make a joke of it. But it’s a quick summary…

This goes on a lot longer but in summary it explains how the male brain work. That we have boxes in our brains that we go to when we want to talk about or think about something. That these boxes don’t overlap while a woman’s brain overlaps and emotions get involved. In the two minutes of what I previously discussed I did the same thing as I went through my boxes looking for the right character to hold the script to what I wanted to say. Do other writers do this as well? I already know it’s strange that I read multiple books at once. That I can pick up a book after not touching it for months and I know exactly what’s going on in that book. If I had a regular schedule to sit down and write I’d probably bounce back and forth between all the stories I have written based on my mood or attitude for that day. I might not remember the scene but I KNOW the character. I can only assume that this isn’t normal. People are very 1 to 1, 2 to 2, and 3 to 3. My brain always wants to go 1-3 that sometimes I forget that I need to explain 2 to people because I assumed it was obvious how I got to 3 so fast in my head. Again I repeat I’m probably not normal. But then again I don’t know what I don’t know. There’s no way I can get into the mind of others and tinker with it to see how it works. This draws me to my second theory…

Dissociate Identity Dissorder, or Multiple Personality Disorder depending on who you ask, is the psychological condition where a person has multiple personality types or “alters.” They usually develop this condition based on some traumatic experience. It varies how many different types a person has but when the person comes back to their normal everyday self they have no recollection of what their alters did. It’s really a fascinating thing to me. I mean we all have different characters or versions of ourselves. We just aren’t that extreme about them. We might be a little more confident or shy. We might be more extreme or reserve but it’s still close enough to that 80% of ourselves that never changes. You ever hear that line of “I just got lost in myself?” What does that mean? That you just threw out logic and gave in to everything? Or did some alter take over control?

I’m not saying I have Dissociate Identity Dissorder but is it possible to create your own version of it through the different characters we create in stories or in our own personal lives? I think it’s possible. Every day people are pretending to be someone else in order to impress someone. I think the difference is those people aren’t quite sure who they are or they’re not happy with who they think that is and want to be better. I know I don’t try to be a better version of myself to impress anyone. Honestly I just wake up some days and I want to be a total asshole. I don’t give a damn what people think of me. Other days I wake up and I’m flirtatious and romantic. Other days I feel like a lunatic trapped in my head and I’m trying my hardest to avoid any and every conversation because I’m afraid of what I might say or what twisted idea they might enable in my head. I can’t really pinpoint anything that really sets these different versions of myself off though. I just wake up and one of them is there. I can only imagine what people think of me who are forced to be around me on a regular basis. I wonder if it’s obvious to them or if they are just not very perceptive. I try to avoid being around people on a regular basis if I don’t trust them.

I’ve been told multiple times by different people who said I should have been a therapist. Human nature and how the brain work does fascinate me. I have the ability to put myself in somebody else’s shoes. I have empathy. I’ve helped more people than I can remember with their problems simply by talking it out and changing up the roles. It’s a puzzle I enjoy solving. But I also know that there are certain theories and concepts that I would learn in whatever education program I would have to take that would probably be more detrimental to my mental health than helpful for other people. I should probably read Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It would probably make a lot of sense to me. But in the long run I think it would just reveal more about my madness than I care to understand. I mean a simple commercial just created the concept that I’m just going to call Multiple Personality Box Syndrome. Maybe it’ll show up in the DSM-6 if I get thrown into a mental institution. Please don’t let that happen!

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